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This music is some of the most intimate, soft, subtle, and delicate in the repertoire.But when Jeffrey began to sing, there was no trace of melancholy.Out poured a glorious stream of rich, resonant, Italianate sound.Pure Jeffrey, taking himself very seriously.How could I induce him to look past himself in order to become a conduit for the expressive passion of the music?I began by asking him if he was willing to be coached.Oh, I love to be coached, he said breezily, though I doubt he had any idea of what was to follow.As each layer was peeled away and he got closer and closer to the raw vulnerability of Schubert’s distraught lover, his voice lost its patina and began to reveal the human soul beneath.His body, too, began to take on a softened and rounded turn.At the final words, When will I have my lover in my arms again? Jeffrey’s voice, now almost inaudible, seemed to reach us through some other channel than sound.Then, finally, tremendous applause.I thanked Jeffrey publicly for his willingness to give up his pride, his training, and his vocal accomplishment, and explained that our applause was for the sacrifice he had made to bring us to a place of understanding.I was simply expressing my conviction that no one in the room could be left unmoved.Later that evening, in the pub, the cameraman came up to me and asked how I had known he had been crying.He confessed that he hadn’t been able to see through his lens for his tears.As one person has the grace to practice the secret of Rule Number 6, others often follow.Now, with the calculating self revealed and humored, the central self shines through.The sixth pillar presents a tale of a different sort, about a little girl named Ilse, a childhood friend of Guerda Weissman Kline, in Auschwitz.Guerda remembers that Ilse, who was about six years old at the time, found one morning a single raspberry somewhere in the camp.Ilse carried it all day long in a protected place in her pocket, and in the evening, her eyes shining with happiness, she presented it to her friend Guerda on a leaf.Imagine a world, writes Guerda, in which your entire possession is one raspberry, and you give it to your friend.Such is the nature of the central self, a term we use to embrace the remarkably generative, prolific, and creative nature of ourselves and the world.We might even describe human development as the ongoing reconstruction of the calculating self toward the rich, free, compassionate, and expressive world of the central self.The practice of Rule Number 6 gives the facilitator in a negotiation a unique perspective.For the facilitator versed in this practice, conflict resolution is the art of paving the way for the parties’ central selves to take charge of the discussion.In the story that follows, the assumption was made that the two men’s calculating selves would each be plotting to win out over the other, pulling the conversation into the downward spiral, while their central selves would know a more direct route to a productive and collaborative solution.Two major partners of a medical research firm were deadlocked over their contract with each other, and every hour was bringing them closer to their financial demise.The younger of the partners, a man in his forties, happened to be sitting next to Ben on a flight from Boston to Dallas, and told him the story.Full of enthusiasm, Ben reached for the phone in the seatback ahead of him and dialed me up.Oh good, I got you! he said.I’m sitting next to a wonderful man who has a problem, and I promised him you could solve it.Here, let me put him on. The next thing I knew Ben had handed the phone to his new friend, and he and I were discussing our next step.We met at the company’s offices at 9:30 the next Monday morning.He was demanding that the junior partner sign a contract agreeing to goals that the younger man thought were impossible to accomplish.The situation had turned into an ultimatum—sign the contract, or get out and lose your investment.No changes, no negotiation, no compromises.The senior partner told me in a dismissive tone that he had an important meeting at eleven o’clock.An hour and a half was all the time he would spend on the matter.I took as my premise that each man recognized in his heart of hearts the exact way in which he was being adversarial, uncooperative, childish, bent on revenge, and out to save his own skin.At the same time I was pretty sure that each man was feeling entirely justified in such behavior given his partner’s actions.In other words, I operated under the assumption that each partner’s central self knew the workings of his calculating self.I intended to speak only to their two central selves.Since it was the younger man who had asked for the consultation, I assumed that he felt he was losing the battle.So, relying on his trust and on the stake he had in the matter, I turned to the senior partner to tell me just what kind of a jerk—I might have used an even more colloquial term—his partner had been.The question was framed to draw out a description of the younger man’s calculating self in action, so we could see all the ways that the older man felt obstructed.The colloquial appellation I used was intended to indicate, however, that in line with Rule Number 6, this behavior was not to be taken too seriously.And it poured out, how the younger partner had repeatedly promised and failed to raise a certain amount of money, how devious he had been, how he had falsified and shifted his story to suit his own needs.It was a survival issue for the older man, because he identified himself so completely with the product of his labors.Of course the younger man protested that these allegations were all untrue, and with each word he sent the senior partner into a fit of renewed exasperation.In order to identify the primary issue blocking the older man’s cooperation, I asked him what irritated him most in his dealings with his partner.He gave me a straight answer, That he lies to himself and to me. I seized the opening to establish agreement between them about what had actually happened.Have you raised the money you said you would? I asked the junior partner.He started to explain, and I stopped him.Yes or no?No, but—Look, I said, I have no doubt that you have all sorts of plans lined up, and that the money may be about to flow in.I don’t have any judgment about this.I only want to ascertain whether the money is in the bank now.No.So on the surface, your partner, a man whose work you respect enormously, has reason to be apprehensive. I was leaning toward him and speaking directly and intimately to the central self of the younger man.This is his life’s work.He does not want it to disappear.Yes, I know.A common truth was told.The storm of combative energy subsided.The next thing I wanted to find out was whether the central self of the older man thought it was best for the company that the junior partner stay or go.The central self always appraises the truth of the whole situation without guile or agenda.Is your partner capable of raising the necessary money? I asked him.Yes, was the answer, if he would only stop lying to himself.We had a deal in the making, I was certain now, since both men wanted to see the business succeed, and each felt the other was capable of doing his part.My assumption was that both aspects of the senior partner, his collaborative central self and his strategic calculating self, had had a hand in writing the contract.The task was to separate the voices so that the older man would have a choice to draft a more effective document.I asked him whether he had any sons—had he ever become exasperated enough with their teenage arrogance to secretly hope they would fail?He replied that his sons had never caused him any trouble comparable to the headaches this man had given him.I asked him if that part of him had had a hand in writing the contract.Probably.

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